15 Red Flags to Watch Out for in Christian Dating

 Dating with Discernment

In a generation flooded with romantic content, dating apps, and emotional hype, Christian singles are constantly bombarded with voices that blur biblical boundaries.


Dating is not a game—it’s a gateway to destiny.

Sadly, many well-meaning believers ignore red flags under the guise of grace or infatuation. But ignoring early warning signs can lead to delayed purpose, spiritual burnout, or marrying outside God’s will.

The Holy Spirit wants to help you discern beyond emotions.

Let’s break down the top red flags to watch out for—using biblical principles, spiritual wisdom, and real-life insight.


 1. They Don’t Prioritize Their Walk with God

“Can two walk together unless they agree?” – Amos 3:3

If their spiritual life is dry, inconsistent, or built on your energy—not theirs—that’s a red flag. You can’t “fix” someone into spiritual growth. A partner who doesn’t pursue God won’t suddenly become your prayer warrior after marriage.


 2. They Justify Sin or Compromise

Watch out for someone who says:

  • “We’re already committed, so boundaries don’t matter.”
  • “God understands—we’re only human.”

They may attend church but mock godly standards. True repentance leads to change, not excuses.

“Flee from sexual immorality.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18


 3. You Hide the Relationship from Godly Counsel

If you’re afraid of what your pastor, mentor, or mature friends will say, that’s a spiritual red flag. Deception thrives in secrecy.

“In the multitude of counsel there is safety.” — Proverbs 11:14


 4. They Speak the Language of Church but Not the Fruit of Christ

Quoting Scripture or lifting hands during worship is not a sign of spiritual maturity. Observe how they treat people, handle conflict, spend money, and serve others. Look for fruit, not just familiarity with church culture.

“By their fruit, you shall know them.” — Matthew 7:20


5. They’re Not Submitted to Authority

A man or woman not submitted to spiritual leadership often struggles with accountability. If they resist correction, avoid mentorship, or dismiss church covering, that’s a major concern—because submission is Kingdom culture.


 6. They Pressure You for Sex or Physical Intimacy

Even if it’s under the guise of “proving your love” or “we’re getting married anyway,” pressuring you to compromise sexually is a blatant sign of self-centeredness, not Christ-centered love.

“Love is patient… it does not seek its own.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-5


 7. They Don’t Have a Vision or Direction

Where are they going spiritually, professionally, or emotionally? A person with no purpose is vulnerable to distractions. As Dr. Myles Munroe once said:

“When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.”


 8. They Refuse to Pray With You

If someone can’t pray with you now, they won’t lead spiritually later. Prayer reveals spiritual compatibility and vulnerability. It also protects your emotions and decision-making.


 9. They Make You Feel Insecure or Unworthy

Any relationship that constantly attacks your confidence, body image, gifts, or calling is not from God. True love edifies, not diminishes.

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth...” — Ephesians 4:29


 10. They’re Emotionally Unstable or Manipulative

  • Mood swings
  • Silent treatment
  • Emotional guilt trips
  • Threats to leave when boundaries are enforced

These are signs of emotional immaturity, not sacrificial love.


 11. You’re More Spiritually Mature, Yet You’re the Only One Giving

If you're carrying the weight of Bible study, emotional support, spiritual guidance, and vision, it’s not a partnership—it's a discipleship, and you’re not their pastor.


 12. They Belittle or Compete With Your Calling

A godly partner celebrates your calling, doesn’t compete with it. If someone feels threatened by your ministry, purpose, or influence, they may eventually try to silence or shrink you.


 13. They Rush the Relationship Without Building Friendship

Kingdom relationships are built slowly with clarity and peace, not haste. Someone rushing to get married after a few weeks may be operating from fear, lust, or agenda—not discernment.


 14. They’ve Not Healed From Past Relationships

Watch how they speak about their ex. Bitterness, unresolved hurt, or constant comparison shows they haven’t healed. Unhealed people bleed on those who didn’t cut them.


 15. God’s Peace Is Missing

Even if the person checks every box, lack of peace is a loud red flag. The Holy Spirit guides with peace, not confusion.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…” — Colossians 3:15


Green Flags in Christian Dating (Quick Recap)

  • They honor boundaries
  • They love God more than they love you
  • They have spiritual mentors
  • They walk in purpose
  • They bring clarity, not confusion
  • They treat you with respect and patience
  • They pray for you, with you, and over you

Conclusion: Guard Your Heart, Guard Your Future

Red flags aren’t just warnings—they’re invitations to pause and pray. God would rather disappoint your emotions now than let your destiny be derailed later.

Don’t enter a relationship out of pressure or loneliness. Wait for alignment, confirmation, and peace. And when it comes, you’ll be glad you did.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23


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