The Question Every Christian Couple Asks
As Christian singles pursue God-honoring relationships, one question almost always comes up:
“Is it okay for Christians to kiss before marriage?”
Unlike sex, which is clearly reserved for marriage in Scripture, kissing falls into a gray area. It's not explicitly forbidden, but it carries emotional and physical weight. For some, it's a sign of affection. For others, it’s a slippery slope into temptation.
In this post, we’ll explore:
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What the Bible says (and doesn’t say)
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Common arguments for and against kissing
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Real-life testimonies from Christian couples
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Wisdom-based boundaries you can apply to your relationship
Let’s dive in.
What Does the Bible Say About Kissing Before Marriage?
The Bible does not explicitly forbid or approve of kissing before marriage.
You won't find a verse that says:
“Thou shalt not kiss thy boyfriend or girlfriend.”
But what Scripture does say provides wisdom for how Christians should approach this topic.
1. Flee Sexual Immorality
“Flee from sexual immorality… Honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Kissing in itself may not be sin—but if it leads to lust or temptation, it can become sinful.
2. Be Holy in All You Do
“But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do.” – 1 Peter 1:15
God calls us to set apart every area of our lives—including our physical affection—for His glory.
3. Avoid Causing Others to Stumble
“It is good not to… do anything that causes your brother to stumble.” – Romans 14:21
If your kissing causes you or your partner to fall into lust or temptation, it may not be wise.
Arguments For Kissing Before Marriage
Some Christian couples and teachers say kissing is okay—under certain conditions. Here’s why:
1. Kissing Isn’t Sex
They argue kissing is not intercourse and isn’t condemned in Scripture.
2. Affection Is a Gift
God created affection to bond us. When done respectfully and in self-control, kissing can show love and commitment.
3. Each Couple Should Set Boundaries Based on Conviction
“Let each be fully convinced in his own mind.” – Romans 14:5
Some couples decide kissing is permissible for them, while others wait.
Arguments Against Kissing Before Marriage
Many Christian counselors, pastors, and books advise waiting to kiss until engagement or marriage. Here's why:
1. It Can Stir Up Sexual Desire Too Early
“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” – Song of Solomon 2:7
Kissing can ignite desire that’s meant to be fulfilled in marriage—and can make purity harder.
2. It Blurs Physical Boundaries
For many, one kiss leads to more. Without strong boundaries, what starts as innocent can quickly move to compromise.
3. Emotional Entanglement
Kissing often deepens emotional bonds, even when the relationship isn’t headed for marriage.
What Do Christian Leaders Say?
💬 Joshua Harris (Author, I Kissed Dating Goodbye):
He famously promoted no kissing before marriage, emphasizing intentional courtship. Later, he retracted some of his legalistic tones—but still affirmed the importance of purity and boundaries.
Jackie Hill Perry (Bible teacher):
“Physical boundaries don’t earn you holiness. But they help protect what matters.”
John Piper:
“Affection should be reserved for marriage or clearly headed there—kissing is not neutral.”
Real Testimonies from Christian Couples
Couple A (Waited Until Marriage to Kiss):
“It was tough, but beautiful. Our first kiss on the altar meant so much more.”
Couple B (Kissed in Engagement):
“We prayed about it. We allowed light kissing after engagement, but nothing that stirred desire.”
Couple C (Kissed Early in Dating and Regretted It):
“It became harder to stop. We had to reset our boundaries to honor God again.”
The Heart Behind the Question: Purity vs. Legalism
The real issue isn’t “how far is too far”—it’s “how much can I honor God in this relationship?”
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Purity is not just about virginity—it’s about the heart, motives, and worship.
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Legalism says: “Don’t kiss or God is mad at you.”
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Grace says: “Let’s set boundaries that protect our love and our walk with God.”
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Kissing
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Does this bring me closer to God or pull me into temptation?
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Am I stirring up sexual desire before it’s time?
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Am I doing this in private, where temptation grows?
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Will I regret this later if the relationship ends?
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Are my actions loving or selfish?
Wise Physical Boundaries for Christian Couples
| Relationship Stage | Suggested Boundaries |
|---|---|
| Early Courtship | No kissing. Focus on friendship, prayer, shared values. |
| Serious Dating | Light hand-holding. Public settings. Talk often about boundaries. |
| Engagement | A quick kiss may be okay for some—but avoid making it a habit. |
| Post-Wedding | Go all in! God's gift of sex and intimacy is fully yours in marriage. |
If You’ve Crossed Boundaries Already—Is It Too Late?
Absolutely not.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us…” – 1 John 1:9
God’s mercy restores your purity, renews your strength, and helps you build again—stronger this time.
So, Should Christians Kiss Before Marriage?
YES — if:
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You are emotionally and spiritually mature
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You can do so without lust or crossing sexual lines
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You and your partner both agree and have boundaries
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It leads to honoring Christ, not temptation
NO — if:
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It stirs up lust or desire
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You’re doing it secretly or compulsively
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You’ve already struggled with sexual temptation
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You’re unsure about the future of the relationship
It’s About Holiness, Not a Rulebook
God isn’t watching your relationship with a clipboard. He’s watching your heart.
The question isn’t “How close can I get to the line?”
The better question is:
“How can we glorify God with our love story?”
Whether you kiss before marriage or not, let your choices reflect:
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Wisdom
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Humility
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A desire to walk in holiness together
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